Family Arguments
by KoopoBrianJebus
Summary: You know people say 'It's brotherly love.' or 'It's sisterly love.' well, brothers and sisters have arguments so... imagine thos problems with the Cullens. Mostly Jasper and Emmett since theirs is hilarious and random.
1. Jasper's Halo Game

**Summary : You know people say 'It's brotherly love.' or 'It's sisterly love.' well, brothers and sisters have arguments so... imagine thos problems with the Cullens. I find it quite funny, especially this chapter.**

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I walked in and saw… Emmett was playing MY game, MY game! MY Halo game! I ran up to him and started to shout. "Emmett, why are you playing my Halo game? MY HALO GAME?" Emmett jumped back from the Xbox 360 and the controller flipped backwards. Emmett opened his mouth then closed it. The controller was about to hit the floor. I ran and dived forwards, only being too late. That's pretty bad for a vampire. I screamed and shouted swear words. Emmett jumped up and slowly took steps back. I turned and growled at him. "Emmett. Why. Were. You. Playing. My. Halo. Game?" I started normal and with every word came more anger. I lunged at him, he had broken my controller and played MY game. We tumbled on the floor, I started to hit his face and knee him in the crotch. I felt a pair of hands pull me back. I growled at Emmett and sent him evils. Everyone must have felt my anger, I was steaming. Rosalie helped him up and sneered at me, she was whispering comforts towards him. He nodded and stared at me.

"Seriously Jasper, don't get your knickers in a twist. It's only a game and a controller." I growled, he knew why I was angry.

"But it was MY controller and MY game, you have to ask me! It's MINE!" At all the MY's and MINE's I whined slightly in my agitated voice. Alice pulled me away.

"Jasper, I will get you another one. I know you love them but, Emmett's your brother and no matter what you have to be nice to him… even if he takes your things." I nodded and turned round, I pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.

"Get me one before the end of tomorrow, please. I wont be able to live without it…" I whispered in her ear, she sent puppy dog eyes. Crap. "And you, I love you more than everything. Even more than you love shopping." She snorted then.

"As if, I LOVE shopping. It's like my own sport. But I love you both equally." I nodded and sighed, I kissed her and she ran out of the house. Buying me my new controller and game… Woo! New controller and games! Yes! I walked towards the dining room, Emmett was in there. He had my laptop, I stared… MY laptop. MY LAPTOP! FIRST MY GAME AND CONTROLLER, NOW MY LAPTOP! I slowly but casually walked behind him. Keep the anger in, I reminded myself. I walked behind and looked at the screen, Rosalie was… in a doggy position with a cowboy hat on and… naked. I almost felt myself throw up. I stared at Emmett, he smirked and laughed. I growled and sighed.

"I will give you three seconds…" Emmett stared at me with a quivering lip. "Three…" He was still staring. "Two…" I got ready, Emmet had gotten up. "One…" He ran, I ran. We got through the whole house in a matter of seconds. Everyone ran out.

"Get him Jasper! He destroyed your war book too!" Bella was cheering me on but… WHAT?!?!?! HE DESTROYED MY BOOK? SCREW HIM NOW! I ran faster.

"Run Monkey-man, run!" Rosalie, obviously, was shouting and as I passed her she stuck her leg out… I just jumped.

"DON'T BREAK ANYTHING BOYS! I CANT REPLACE ANY OF THESE ANTIQUE ITEMS!" Esme… worried about her things.

"I can't believe it, he's finally cracked. I thou-EWW Emmett! Don't think of that! AHHHHHH! It burns! AHHHHHHHH!" Edward, I let out a slight chuckle for that. I'm so glad Carlisle's at work, Alice's shopping and Nessie's round Jacobs. They all would of shouted at me, Carlisle for trying to kill my brother. Alice for… well, she wouldn't really punish me unless she actually didn't see it happening which was unlikely. Nessie because she wanted Emmett around, he made her laugh and be happy but… NOW IT'S TIME FOR HIM TO DIE! I ran faster than I had ever run before, probably faster than Edward. I grinned and growled even more. I could see Emmett he was just turning out of the kitchen. I ran, my legs were like a rocket. I tumbled over Emmett, causing him to fall flat on his face. He slowly stood up, I jumped. He stared at me. I growled and lunged, I started to hit him again. Left, right, right again, left. Again and again, Rosalie screamed and Edward dragged me away. I struggled, I finally settled and he taped me onto a chair. It was bony and wooden. I growled because it was… V-tape-pire. The worst kind of tape that a Vampire would get stuck with. NO-ONE and I mean NO-ONE can get out of it. I growled and started biting my sides, that's where the tape was closest.

It had been three hours, my anger was still there but now everyone felt it. Rosalie was pissed off with Emmett for starting this whole thing. Bella was pissed off at Emmett too. Edward was pissed off at Nessie because she was with Jacob. Esme was pissed off at Emmett for breaking a special antique, irreplaceable. Finally, Emmett was pissed off at me and himself. He was pissed off with me because well… I tried to kill him for a 'stupid' reason. He was pissed off at himself for not lasting up against me. I sighed and hanged my head. They kept repeating a video they bought when this kind of stuff happened. I knew all the words the man had said.

'Hello and welcome to anger management and respecting your relatives.' I mouthed all the words the man said. 'This would be separated into one hundred different headings.' I sighed. 'Number one.' I hanged my head. 'If your relative had taken something with out asking then relax and tell them to ask before they take.' I sighed and blanked everything out. Wait till next time Emmett, next time. If you take anything, I WILL kill you. Alice stormed in with the Xbox 360 controller and Halo game… Halo and Halo 2 AND HALO 3! I LOVE MY WIFE! She looked angry.

"Jasper. Whitlock. Did. You. Try. To. Kill. Emmett. Again?" I sighed and knew, my anger inside was being reflected on her… she was pissed off with me. OH NO! I'M GOING TO HAVE NO TECHNOLOGY OR BOOKS! NO!

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**Like it?** **If yeah then review, of you want tell me about an argument you had with a relative (mums and dads count) then... i might write about it, make it funny and entertaining.**


	2. Edward and Carlisle's Problem

**Edward and the… phrase.**

It had been three days of torture for EVERYONE! Edward had a weird phrase in his head. IT'S TORTURE SAVE US! _– From Jaspers agonizing thoughts_

Edwards phrase is really starting to annoy me, even for me! IT'S SO ANNOYING and what he does when he says it! AHH! I have to get Jasper to protect me but then he does it to Jasper! It's SO scary. _–From Alice's scared thoughts._

… Teehee… Rose's ass is nice between my hands… _- From Emmett's sickly thoughts._

Why has Edward gotten that phrase in everyone's head? How did he know that? : ( I blame her… Bella. Her little human mind must be taking over his and destroying it! Oh well, I don't mind the spanking part… just the phrase he says while spanking us. _– From Rosalie's weird-cheating thoughts._

ARRGGHH! CANT EDWARD STOP THIS FUCKING NONSENSE! IT'S ANNOYING ME SO MUCH THAT IVE STARTED TO SWEAR! AHHH! _– From Esme's pained thoughts…lol, she swore._

Urrgghh, I'm so mad at myself. Why did I have to tell Edward about that phrase? He's going mad! Urrgghh! Might as well join him. _– From Carlisle's mad-happy thoughts._

Why's Edward spanking everyone? Urrgghh, I don't mind the spanking and phrase but why to everyone? Why not only me? We are getting married! I need to talk to him. _– From Bella's questioning thoughts._

I LOVE THIS PHRASE! I LOVE THE ACTIONS TOO! I CANT BELIEVE THAT CARLISLE'S GOING TO JOIN ME! HE'S THE BEST DAD EVER! _- From Edward's thought._

Edward ran around the house screaming at the tops of him lungs with Carlisle, "SPANK THE PONY!" or "SMACK THE PONY!" every time he saw someone, he would push them onto the floor or couch or furniture and spank them. He ran towards the kitchen with Carlisle, Esme and Bella was in there. Edward ran towards Bella and Carlisle to Esme. They pushed them over the counters, they spank and spanked then snogged.

After five minutes, Edward and Carlisle were out of the kitchen and ran upstairs. The first room they saw was Alice and Jasper's room. They jumped inside, only to see Alice and Jasper making out. They slowly walked backwards, hands up and ran towards the garage. Rosalie was there, she had her butt pushed out and her body leaning against her Mercedes. Emmett on the other hand was strapped into his jeep. Edward walked towards Rosalie but stopped. She noticed. "Go on, you know you want to." Was all Rosalie said, Edwards eyes widen and he stepped backwards. Carlisle and Edward ran towards the kitchen again to see Esme and Bella talking. They both casually walked towards them, Bella and Esme jumped up and pulled them into hugs. Carlisle and Edward pushed their hands to their wife's butts and they all started to snog.

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**Review, like it? If yes then tell me if you want more problems.**


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